Yesterday's Letter
by ILuvMamo-chan
Summary: Kira is trying to cope with the fact that Rei broke up with her, just when she needs him the most. She writes a letter to him, describing how she misses him and can't stand living with her father anymore.


Hello everyone! It's been awhile since I've done a song-fic, so I hope this one turns out all right. I've been wanting to do a Mars fanfic forever. It loosely takes place around the breakup, but not really, so I guess it's kind of a spoiler.   
  
The song is Yesterday's Letter by 98 degrees, and since I've started playing Revelation again, I haven't been able to get this song out of my mind. Since it's from Kira's point of view, all the "Girl"'s will be changed to "Boy"'s so don't mind it…  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Mars or 98 degrees, though I really wouldn't mind owning Rei for a while…heck, he can own me if he wants to! Just kidding.   
  
Story: Yesterday's Letter---oh yeah, that was creative  
  
Author: ILuvMamo-chan  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
E-mail:   
  
I wrote a letter yesterday  
  
Just trying to explain  
  
Couldn't find the words to say  
  
'Cause you are so far away, so far away  
  
Kira put down her pen and stared at the paper in front of her blankly. She was an artist, not a writer. Why did she think a letter would actually fix things between him and her? Knowing Rei, would he even bother to read it?   
  
She supposed he had the right to be mad. She knew he would be…after all; she was living in the same house as the man who had raped her.   
  
Kira turned quickly, once again making sure her door was locked. That was her only comfort anymore, the bolt that kept him out and her in. Her only protection now that her protector had firmly stated that he couldn't be with her anymore. He'd had enough.  
  
The tears came again, and she realized just how very weak she was. She tried to wipe them away, but the torrent was never ending. It wouldn't stop, now that…now that Rei hated her.   
  
She went back to the task at hand, trying to put her heart on to paper as her horrible unrelenting tears blocked her vision.   
  
I wrote a letter yesterday  
  
It's so hard for me to face  
  
That it had to end this way  
  
But my love will never change, will never change  
  
She scanned her pleading words, hoping they didn't sound too desperate. They expressed her feelings; that even if he didn't love her, couldn't stand the sight of her, she would always love him. He was the only man in this world she could love, the only man she could imagine touching her or kissing her, and she wouldn't want to pull away or be frightened of him.   
  
But she had pulled away, many times. She could imagine how that must have made him feel. She didn't want to be scared, but she was. Not of him, but of what would happen. She shouldn't have felt that way. Rei would never hurt her, but she couldn't help but fear.   
  
'I know I must have hurt you sometimes. It's strange; I always thought I was the only one who could get hurt. All you wanted to do was show me how much you loved me, and I must have made it so hard for you.'   
  
As she added that part to her letter, she cried a little bit harder. She would give anything for Rei's touch at that moment, his kiss, especially his smile. Instead she was shut up in her room, alone, scared, and waiting for Rei to come rescue her.  
  
But he wasn't going to do that, was he?   
  
No, not now that he didn't love her anymore. Once again THAT MAN had hurt her, deprived her of something else very important to her. When would it stop?  
  
'I know you're used to me crying Rei; I'm sure that was pretty annoying too. But now I have a real reason to cry, because I know longer have you. Maybe I'm holding you back with these tears, maybe I'm asking too much. I never considered myself a greedy child; but then again, we never see our own faults, do we?'  
  
When she heard a knock on the door, Kira froze. It was beginning. She slunk in her chair, the fear spreading from her stomach to the rest of her body. Why had she let Rei get away?  
  
"Kira honey? Are you hungry? I made some dinner."   
  
Kira sighed quietly at the sound of her mother's voice. "No, thank you."   
  
Her mother responded with a small "All right." and left. Kira couldn't help but think of what Rei had said to her a few days before.  
  
'Your mother ended up choosing her rapist husband over you. She basically sold her daughter so she could have a comfortable life!'  
  
At the time Kira hadn't wanted to hear it, but she realized how true it really was. Why had her mother let her be reunited with the one person that had completely ruined her life? It was true that they had fallen on hard times, but her stepfather had raped her. Didn't that mean anything?   
  
Kira calmed herself, sitting back in the chair. She continued to write her letter, pouring her heart into the painful words.   
  
When I search my soul to find the truth  
  
About the love we shared  
  
I wonder why you're no longer here  
  
'I don't think I deserve you. In fact, I know I don't. But…I love you, I love you more than anything or any person in this world. And for a while I thought you loved me too. I've gone over it in my head, many times, wondering how I could have possibly lost you, and I guess I understand why you left. I suppose I was just hoping that you would love me no matter what, no matter how hard it got. If a castle is destroyed, you just build a new one right? Maybe it's only my wishful thinking.   
  
Maybe you've already found someone else. I can understand that. But I'll be honest with you Rei; I was afraid. Afraid for my mother, afraid for you. What if he attacked her because I wasn't there? I couldn't live with myself if that happened. I was even afraid for myself, I admit that, and I didn't want to get you involved. I should have left like you told me, and I regret not doing so. Why didn't I listen? Maybe I'm just stupid like I've always been told.   
  
I don't know if this will change your mind. I shouldn't expect you to come running back to me. But…I love you Rei. I need you. I don't know what else to say.   
  
Love, Kira'  
  
She finished the letter and put it to the side. She wasn't sure if it would even work, but she couldn't live like this anymore. No one should have to live day to day in their own house always watching their back. Always fearing. She just COULDN'T do it anymore…not like this.  
  
You can just walk away   
  
But I don't feel the same  
  
My heart still beats for you, breaks for you, sinks for you  
  
And those feelings will never fade  
  
I can't hide my pain  
  
I can never hide the way I feel for you  
  
Kira pulled her coat closer as she walked through the nicer neighborhoods. It was getting dark, and the cold began to set in around her.   
  
Just then the clouds opened up and released their fury on her, becoming of her mood. "Maybe the heavens are crying for me,' she thought, but quickly pushed it away. She usually never gave herself credit like that, but it was a comforting thought; thinking someone up in the sky actually felt and recognized her pain.   
  
As she got to Rei's neighborhood she quickened her pace. She had no business being in a place like this at night, but she really didn't care. She had to see Rei, and if he wouldn't listen to her, she would put the note in his hands and at least hope he would read her feelings on paper. That is, if the rain hadn't damaged her note already.   
  
She bustled to his building and up the stairs to his apartment. She was soaked to the bone, but refused to stop anywhere to dry off or getting something nice and hot to drink. No, she had to make sure she went straight to Rei.   
  
She knew the door would be unlocked, but she didn't want to go in. That would just be invading his privacy; something she was sure at this point in time he didn't want her to do. Before she could have just walked in, but that wasn't her place anymore.   
  
She also realized that Rei wouldn't be home just yet. He was still at work, or so she supposed. Now that he didn't have her nagging about the kind of work he did, he could be betting on pool again. She didn't want to think about it.  
  
The minutes ticked away as Kira stood at his door, but he just never seemed to appear. Even though she had refused to let herself cry again at that point, she couldn't stop the tears. They were hot and sticky against her cold face, but she didn't wipe them away. After a long wait, she slunk to the floor and fell asleep in the cold air.   
  
I've been talking in my sleep  
  
About the way it used to be  
  
Boy I pray that you hear me  
  
Then I'll see you in my dreams  
  
Oh, in my dreams  
  
A soft smile played on Kira's lips during her slumber. Rei whispered sweet dream words into her ear, playing with her hair and kissing her softly on the neck. 'I love you Kira.' he said in a smiling voice, holding her hand. 'I'll protect you. You'll never have to worry again.'   
  
"Oh Rei." she breathed out with closed eyes, not realizing she was talking in her sleep. If she had known she wouldn't have cared, because for those brief, imaginary, forbidden moments, she was his again.   
  
A high-pitched giggle awoke her from her slumber. She slowly stood, and saw Rei casually climbing the stairs, his arm slung around a girl that wore far too little clothing for the kind of weather there was outside. She giggled again as Rei said something quietly to her.   
  
Kira shivered, not from the cold, but from their approach. She suddenly wished that she would have just left the note under his door and went straight home. She didn't want him to see her like this, cold, wet, and pathetic, a little lost puppy waiting for a kind hand to invite her home. She had written that she could understand if he found another girl, but seeing it up-close made her heart collapse in her chest.   
  
It wasn't until they were right upon her that they noticed her presence. The girl seemed unsurprised, but Rei was. He tried to hide it quickly with a nonchalant stare.   
  
"Rei, you are such a bad boy, juggling two or more women at once. I thought I was your only date for tonight." she giggled again and purred her words into his ear.   
  
"You are. I don't know why she's here." The way he said she caused Kira to take a sharp breath, but she didn't move.  
  
"I…uh…" Kira, who had never been the most brilliant linguist, found her words failing her again.  
  
"She's speechless. How cute." The girl spoke in an antagonizing manner, obviously a little disturbed that this little girl was taking up her time with Rei.  
  
"Don't worry about her. She's just some girl who can't get over me." His harsh words hit home; and he still refused to say her name.   
  
Kira, for all of her lack of determination before, refused to back down once again. She thrust her letter into his hand. Her face still had tears streaming down the sides, even though she was sure they no longer affected him. "Please," she begged, trying not to use pity to get his attention, "please read this. I don't care if you hate me, just read it."   
  
And with that she was gone into the rain again, out of his life for what she feared would be forever.   
  
Well I can't forget the words you said  
  
To pull away from my life  
  
And no matter what I'll carry you inside  
  
She was a disgusting creature, crying like a little ninny, hoping for Rei to come running after her and take away all her pain. Why should he come back to her? That girl he was with probably gave him all he ever wanted, the things Kira refused to let go. She probably let Rei touch her; show her the love that words just couldn't express.   
  
At this point in time, she didn't want to go home. Her feet, which were more aware than she was, brought her to the park where her and Rei first met. Her hand slid across the bench, their bench, and she laid herself on it. It was cold and wet, just like herself, but she didn't even notice. She deserved the pain, the sickness, for being so stupid and letting Rei get away.   
  
'Get out of that house now. You have to get away from that house as soon as possible.'  
  
"I'm sorry Rei, I should have listened." she cried softly.  
  
'Come to my place.' 'Don't touch me! I've had enough! I can't go out with you anymore!'  
  
"Why did he have to say that? Why did he have to go away?" Kira spoke to herself, not caring who passed her by. It was 3 AM after all. Who would be around to hear her cry?   
  
The ache in her chest was great. Why did she have to let him in her life? It was so much easier when she didn't have anyone. Then she couldn't feel anything at all. Now she felt too much, all the time.  
  
But when she was honest with herself, she couldn't go back to being emotionally numb. She liked loving and being loved too much now, especially Rei's love.   
  
"You'll always be inside me Rei…" she whispered, touching the bracelet on her wrist gently.   
  
She got up and headed for home, sure that she would be incredibly sick the next morning.  
  
You can just walk away  
  
But I don't feel the same  
  
My heart still beats for you, breaks for you, sinks for you  
  
And those feelings will never fade  
  
I can't hide my pain  
  
I can never hide the way I feel for you  
  
Kira sank into the tub, her eyes straying to the door as had become her habit. It was locked safely, and she sighed. It was an added comfort that her stepfather was at work, but it slightly disturbed her that her mother had went out for the day. She had hoped her mother would always keep an eye on her, no matter what her 'husband' had promised not to do.  
  
Even though she wasn't sick, the hot water was a welcome relief. It was true that a nice bath could calm you and wash away all the bad, but it didn't cure all of her fears. It didn't make the bad things any less painful either. But she wasn't going to let it trouble her for the time being.  
  
She had considered calling Harumi earlier but had waved off the idea. She wasn't sure she could handle the happy voice of a girl who actually still retained the heart of the man she loved. That meant she couldn't handle talking to Tatsuya either.   
  
Kira couldn't think of anything else. She wasn't sure what would happen to her if Rei rejected her again. Could she go on living without him? Exist maybe, but not live. Was there another guy on this earth who she could possibly give her heart to? Did she want to try again?  
  
No, she did not want to try. An escape seemed like her best option. An escape from existence…no, she wasn't going to commit suicide. That was wrong. The coward's way out. That was what she had said about Sei. He left Rei alone in this world and fled life like a coward.   
  
But, would Rei cry if she herself died?   
  
Kira stood and got out of the tub, wrapping a towel around herself. She hissed through her teeth as she realized she had left her clean clothes in her room. Before she wouldn't have cared, in fact, she used to leave her clothes in her room all the time and then change there after a bath, but not anymore. Not with him so close by.  
  
She pulled her towel closer and unlocked the door. Her father wasn't home anyhow. He was at work, she knew that. She was safe for the time being.  
  
She opened the door and prepared to run down the hall, but stopped as her eyes came in contact with the figure in the corner. Her father smiled at her, his eyes dark and possessive.   
  
She made a move to step back, but she knew it was useless. Within moments he had her trapped.   
  
Sooner or later you're gonna realize   
  
That this type of love happens once in your life  
  
So open your eyes boy  
  
And see what we could be  
  
(Come back to me)  
  
"We're going to keep this from you're mother." her stepfather stated, pulling his belt tight again. "You don't want to upset her when she's still so sick do you? It would just kill her. That's a good girl now."   
  
Kira didn't listen. She lie naked on the floor, her towel to one side, blood dripping a little from her busted lip. Her cheek slowly turned purple from the impact of his fist against her face. Her eyes were empty, emotion totally devoid of her form.  
  
Her father left the house, and she heard the door lock. What did a lock matter now? It didn't keep him from hurting her. She knew now nothing did.   
  
She tried to fight back a little, but knew it was inevitable. After all, Rei hadn't called or come to see her. He obviously had given up on her. What did anything matter anymore?  
  
Her eyes were still black voids as she slowly lifted herself up into a sitting position. She should get up, get clothes on, get away from the scene of his hateful crime, but she couldn't move from the spot. She refused to cry.  
  
A knock came on the door and Kira froze. No, she wouldn't answer it. No matter who was at the door, she wouldn't let them in. She brought her knees up to her chest and buried her head in them, trying to ignore the demanding noise that disturbed her.   
  
She pulled her towel over her, in case by some chance the person could see in. Hopefully that would make her look less suspicious, and they would leave because they knew she was trying to get dressed. Illogical reasoning, but she didn't have another idea at the moment.  
  
"Kira? Kira are you in there? Please open up! It's me Kira."   
  
"No…" she breathed, her heart beat stopping. He couldn't be here, not now. He would see, he would see…  
  
"Go away!" she screamed, covering her ears. Not now…..  
  
"Kira, God, what's wrong? Let me in! What's going on?"  
  
"NO! Get away from here!" she screamed louder, her head shaking in her hands. He couldn't…  
  
"Please Kira! PLEASE!"  
  
"Just go away…" she was crying again, not sure if he had heard her last statement. Why couldn't he leave? Now that she didn't want him here, he just had to come.  
  
She held her ears tightly as a crash boomed in the background. She looked up and saw Rei standing next to the door, which he had obviously forced open, she wasn't sure how. His eyes widened in fear and anger.   
  
"NO!" Kira shouted, covering her face. "You weren't supposed to see…you weren't supposed to see me like this." she sobbed, trying to hide in the towel that barely covered her. "I didn't want you to ever see…"   
  
"Kira…" He stepped forward, not sure whether to touch her or not. She looked up at him, tears running over the cuts and bruises on her face. He suddenly didn't care if she wanted him to touch her or not. He bent down in front of her and took her into his arms.   
  
"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault." He said, holding her close. "I shouldn't have let you go home last night."  
  
Kira, still sobbing, clutched Rei's shirt in desperation. "Rei, it's not your fault. It's mine…I should have fought harder. I love you."   
  
"I love you too." he responded quietly, holding her harder still. "Where is he?"  
  
Rei stood, bringing Kira up with him. She looked into his eyes and saw the anger, hate, and suddenly knew what he was thinking.   
  
"Rei don't…"  
  
"Where is he? WHERE IS THAT ASS?" He made a move away from her and she grabbed him close, though her towel had fallen to the floor.  
  
"No Rei! Don't do anything!" He looked at her with disappointment, wondering why she was still letting him off easy. "They'll take you away…I'll never see you again."   
  
He sighed, bending to get her towel and wrapping it around her. "I can't just let him get away with this."   
  
"Please Rei." she begged, holding onto him for everything it was worth. "Just take me away from here."   
  
Rei picked her up and started up the stairs. "Let's gather your things."   
  
Kira nodded and faded away from consciousness.  
  
You can just walk away  
  
But I don't feel the same  
  
My heart still beats for you, breaks for you, sinks for you  
  
And those feelings will never fade  
  
I can't hide my pain  
  
I can never hide the way I feel for you  
  
When Kira woke up she found herself in Rei's bed, the blanket tucked up to her chin and wearing some of her pajamas. She blushed as she remembered how she had pressed against Rei, clutching him the way she did, not wearing any clothing. But the thought of what had happened to her before that invaded her thoughts too, and she turned over to hide her face. She put her fist to her mouth, trying to hide her sobs.   
  
The bed creaked with a new weight that Rei added as he sat down. "Are you awake?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
"I wanted to apologize again. And to tell you…nothing happened with that girl last night. I was trying to forget about you, but I couldn't. I love you and no one else."  
  
"Why?"   
  
She turned over and saw his surprised eyes. She needed to know, why after all that had happened, why he loved her. She wasn't even worth anything anymore.  
  
"You have to ask that?" He laid down next to her, taking her hands in his as he looked into her eyes. "You're the only woman who love me purely for what I am. You don't judge me, you don't shake your head at the things I do. You're not afraid of me."  
  
"But…I'm no good anymore. I'm not worth it. I don't deserve your love."   
  
He squeezed her hand and looked at her seriously. "You are worth more than any other person on this miserable planet. Don't turn me away Kira. I can't live without you anymore. I don't want a life that doesn't have you in it."   
  
She smiled, tears in her eyes as she touched his cheek softly. "Will you show me how much you love me?"   
  
"I'll do anything you ask me too." He kissed her passionately, not wanting to hurt her, but not wanting to be away from her either. He had to touch her, make sure she actually existed. "We'll build our castles again…together."  
  
"You read my letter?"  
  
"I tried; but I had already decided to go to you when I saw your face. I thought it would be easier to leave you alone, but I was wrong. I couldn't believe I turned you away like that, but when I went to find you last night I couldn't. I should have tried harder."   
  
"Don't blame yourself Rei. I just want to be with you from now on."   
  
"I love you Kira."   
  
"Never leave me again?"  
  
"I promise." He kissed her again, putting his promise into his lips. Kira sighed, tight in the arms she had so recently been dreaming of.   
  
You can just walk away   
  
But I don't feel the same  
  
My hear still beats for you, breaks for you, sinks for you  
  
And those feelings will never fade  
  
I can't hide my pain  
  
I can never hide the way I feel for you  
  
Rei kissed her lips softly, holding her tight to his body. "I didn't hurt you did I?"   
  
"You'd never hurt me."   
  
"I love you Kira."  
  
"I love you too Rei." Now and forever, just like she had promised in yesterday's letter.   
  
Well that's it. Just a little one-shot deal 'cause I had to write a fic about this song. I was surprised how well it fit with the Rei and Kira break up scene. Anyway, please respond with your comments (good or bad, I'll accept both I guess). Later days! 


End file.
